笑话 幽默
1.

A programmer asks Kobe: “Why are you so successful?”
Kobe: “Do you know what Los Angeles looks like at 4 AM?”
Programmer: “Yes, I’m usually still coding at that time. Why?”
Kobe: “Uhh…”

2.

The goddess: “If you can make everyone on this forum start arguing, I’ll go home with you tonight.”
Programmer: “PHP is the best language!”
The forum explodes into a massive flame war.
Goddess: “I’m impressed. Let’s go, you can do whatever you want.”
Programmer: “Not tonight. I must convince them — PHP is the best language.”

/

3.

I’m a miserable programmer. Tonight I’m working overtime almost until dawn, so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. My female boss shows concern and asks if I want some midnight snacks. I grumpily reply, “Skip the food, just let me get some sleep.” She blushes and says, “Oh, you naughty thing,” then sits down next to me, very close, making me nervous. Could she have found the bug in my code?

4.

Girls, you MUST marry a programmer!!!!!!
Big salary, few words, dies young.

/

5.

A wife calls her programmer husband: “On your way home, buy a pound of steamed buns. If you see a watermelon seller, buy one.”

That evening, the programmer husband walks in holding a single steamed bun…

The wife fumes: “Why did you only buy one bun?!”

The husband replies: “Because I saw a watermelon seller.”

6.

/

7. Someone posts online: “Hey guys, I want to become a programmer. Any tips?” A programmer replies: “Wait till I get off work, I’ll tell you all about it…”

And then… there was no then.

8.

I borrowed $1000 from a programmer friend. He said, “Let me lend you 24 more bucks to make it a round number.”

9.

Programmer A: “I’ll have the Fish-Flavored Shredded Pork over rice. What about you?”
Programmer B: “Kung Pao Chicken over rice.”
Programmer A writes on the order slip:
Fish-Flavored Shredded Pork Rice 1
Kung Pao Chicken Rice 1
Programmer B: “Actually, I’ll have beef noodles instead!”
Programmer A corrects the order slip:
Fish-Flavored Shredded Pork Rice 1
// Kung Pao Chicken Rice 1
Beef Noodles 1

10.

I’m a programmer. One day I was sitting on the curb drinking water while painfully debugging code. A beggar sat down next to me and started asking for money. I felt sorry for him, gave him a dollar, and continued debugging. Business must have been slow because he started idly watching what I was doing. After a moment, he quietly said, “You’re missing a semicolon right there.”

Shocked, I asked, “You understand this stuff?” The beggar replied, “I used to do this for a living.”

/

Eleven、 After retiring, a programmer decided to practice calligraphy and spent a fortune on the four treasures of the study. One day after dinner, struck by a sudden burst of inspiration, he ground his ink, arranged the paper, and lit fine sandalwood incense. After a moment of meditation, he splashed ink and wielded his brush, solemnly writing a line: hello%20world!

Twelve、 “Working in IT is too exhausting. How can I switch to a new line of work?” “Press the Enter key.”

Thirteen、 Programmers dislike the Qianlong Emperor’s eighth son, because “Eighth Prince” sounds like “bug” (Ba A Ge).

Fourteen、 A female classmate was eating in the cafeteria when a programmer sidled up beside her. “Miss, can I talk to you? I haven’t spoken to a girl for a month.”

Fifteen、 Two programmers are chatting: “I met a hot chick yesterday. I brought her home and immediately started kissing her hungrily. She was sitting on my keyboard, and then……” “You have a computer at home too? What’s the CPU model?”

Sixteen、

A programmer’s reading journey: x Language Introduction —> x Language Application in Practice —> Advanced x Language Programming —> The Science
and Art of x Language —> The Beauty of Programming —> The Way of Programming —> The Zen of Programming—> Guide to Cervical Spondylosis Rehabilitation.

(Compiled from the internet).